2/28/09

My Character

More Dungeons and Dragons nonsense. I just noticed that I have a couple of drawings from almost a month ago now that I forgot to load, so I will do those soon.
(The joke is we push me down the stairs and I knock out all the enemies like they were bowling pins. I am now not sure if I made the joke obvious enough... Sigh.)

2/24/09

SPOILER ALERT!

We have all heard of the new Thor movie in production, right?
Well apparently Thor has been cast!

Choose your own adventure: 5

You consider your options towards the giant black bird looming over you on the cliff-side. You consider punching the bird, or yanking out its eyeball, but apparently the bird has rolled a D-20 in intimidate and instead you almost wet yourself.
Instead you decide to politely ask the bird if you can help it.
It responds in a very dignified British accent: "You, my dear sir, are in my chair."

The bird steps back and allows you to stand up and remove yourself from its rocking chair. As you quickly move out of the way, you notice that the bird was not as scary as you originally thought. It seems to be quite refined and old. It also seems to be wearing a black vest, which you did not notice at first, what with it being right in your face before.

"Sorry if I gave you a scare just then, old chap. I flew down to watch the setting sun and saw something in my chair. I did not mean to startle you, but my eyesight is not what it once was," he states as he removes a monocle from his pocket of his vest and places it over his left eye.
"Now then, what have we here?" He states as he looks closely up and down you.
"A human? Really? I haven't seen one of those in... 246 years I believe."

You think to ask the bird what he means, as you know a lot of humans, in fact some of your best friends are human, but you are still in such a shock that a giant bird just spoke to you and is wearing a very nice vest, that you only manage to mumble out: "uuuh"

"Now Mr. Human, if you would kindly, what is your name?" the bird asks.
You stare at it for a few minutes.
"Out with it now."

"Mmmy... My name... sir... is Mike. Mike Jones." You manage to string together.

"Mike Mike Jones. Not a very refined name, but I guess you aren't a very cultured fellow, are you Mike Mike Jones?" the bird states, as it sits down in its rocking chair. "MY name, if you would care so much to know, is Jean Henry Waddsfellow the third. My father was Jean Henry Waddsfellow the second, a scholar of great note, and his father was Jean Henry Waddsfellow the first, the dean of the Waddsfellow's school for gifted Fledglings. HIS father was THE Sir Charles Luke Waddenfallen, of Austria, a poor farmer who left his country for adventure and fame. He is best known for slaying the famed hairless woolly mamouth of the Savannah and taming the spotted weregoose of Slaughter Swamp, among other things. The weregoose adventure was a particularly great story. It started off when my dear great-grandfather was traveling through the duchey of Doiron, long long winters past..."

The bird continues on for some time, telling of strange adventures involving animals you are sure do not exist, just as you are sure that a giant talking bird wearing a vest could not exist. Despite your nervous apprehention of the bird, you start to fall alseep to his monotone stories. Afterall, you did just climb a very steep and tall cliff.

Around 3 hours later you wake to the bird poking you with its feathers. "Sir, I understand that some people have claimed in the past to have a disease called narcolepsy, but please! I was just getting to the best part, when my great-grandfather, Sir Charles, was about to slay the one eyed Hydra-wolf, when instead he decided to tame it and give it as a pet to the nephew of his one true love, the beautiful late Maribelle of Avendale. Anyways, it is no loss of mine if a man of your culture cannot appriciate such a story. There are many others who would sell their fortunes to hear such a story. I guess I shall be off to meet with them instead. Farewell, sir. I hope in the future you will not be sitting in my rocking chair, dirtying it with your mud-covered hands and clothes. I wish you well on your future endevors, however. Never let it be said that Jean Henry Waddsfellow was one to hold a grudge."

You decide that this is your moment, as the bird seems to be about to fly off. You ask it, as politely as you can where you are and how you got there, and how you could get back home again.

"You are from THE CITY and somehow woke up in the middle of a corn field on this island you say? That is mighty unusual, and I guess that I will allow your confusion to be the reason you are acting so... base. I do not know if I have the knowledge to help you on your adventure, however, I would recommend that you travel to the great library of Hodge in the town of Ellestria. It is about a day's travel North of here, just on the other side of that mountain you see in the distance.
Or you could try asking the sea-witch. She lives out in the ocean to the East. She seems to know more than most, although she speaks with horribly vulgar language, and is quite undignified. The best way to get in touch with her is to row out to sea, throw some kelp in a circle around the boat and chant: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."
Another option, although this is one I would not recommend to my mother, Allah rest her soul, is to travel West of here. By the edge of the forest you should find an old, decripit well. If you climb down the well, you will find some... er... people, who have lived below ground since time began. They know all about the world and how to get from one place to another, but I really can't say I trust their kind. Although it may be because I am of the air, and they are of the earth. Opposites tend to cause conflict. Although that does remind me of one story, where my great-grandfather fell in love with the princess of the mole men, well I guess in today's society we should call them "mole people..."
He continues on for some time about some princess needing to be rescued from the dark underworld, and how his great-grandfather would travel from dungeon to dungeon, only to find that the princess was not there, but in another castle somewhere else far away, or something. You honestly stopped listening a while ago. But you do decide you need to go somewhere. Where do you go? To the library in Ellestria, to meet the sea-witch or down into the earth via the well west of here?

2/23/09

Blood Harvest

I figured this was mildly appropriate as I am about to play Left 4 Dead. But seriously, how come there are only white zombies? Is it racist to kill minority zombies or something?

2/22/09

Bacon Lip-Balm

Thank you God.

Now all I need is bacon flavored edible underwear, and my hot, sweaty bacon dreams are complete.

Buffy, Abridged

Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (Abridged)


I always wondered what would be the absolutely WORST way to try to convince someone who has never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer to watch it. I think this is it.
Granted, if you are a fan, its a good video, it sums up all seven seasons in the space of 3 minutes and 10 seconds, but if you don't already have that... connection... with Buffy, then all this video does it make the show look like a really bad sci-fi TV show from the early 90s (I'm looking at you, Sliders). Anywhen, you should still watch it.

2/21/09

When am I?

I don't think any comment is needed. Or I guess in the words of the great Stan "The Man" Lee: 'Nuff Said.

Sep-Poo-Ku




Don't Shit Your Pants is a "survival horror game" based on such fun old colecovision-esque text games. Your only goal: to not shit your pants. It's awesome. There are 10 different possible endings, I dare you to try them all.

Bacon flowchart

I think I post so much about bacon only because I find it so incredibly gross, and the idea that people actually like bacon I find humorous. Like take this bacon flow chart for example. It has to be ironic, right? There aren't people who actually think this flow chart makes sense. Right?

2/20/09

FOUND.
















Found Magazine is a print magazine (with an internet counterpart) that showcases pictures, notes, loveletters, and the occasional booger found by the average citizen. I could spend hours sorting through the archives of found objects on their site - and I will. And so to honor you, dear reader, I will post an example of the best of the found at least once weekly. Enjoy.
ok, i can't help it. here's another example, too.
and last one, i promise.

Choose your own adventure: 4-realz!

Since you have been climbing such a steep cliff, you are a bit tired, and decide to sit down in the rocking chair.
So you sit down, and rock back and forth, looking out to sea, as the pleasant sea breeze blows across your face. Rocking back and forth. And back and forth. You think to yourself how peaceful it is up here, and start to think about the past, and how everything that was so stressful yesterday has completely disappeared now that you are on some island, not knowing how you got there.

You think back to yesterday...
You remember waking up to the sound of your alarm going off, much earlier than you think it should have been. You rose out of bed and slipped on a condom wrapper, hitting your head on the side of the bed. Dazed, you stand up. Condom wrapper? Oh yeah, last night. "I must have been pretty drunk," you say to yourself as you look around the room. Something seems to be missing. Well, besides your girlfriend. Usually she is still asleep, as she works as a barista at night. By her nightstand you find a note. Picking it up, you unfortunately read it: "Dearest Mike. This isn't working. You are a boy, and I need a man. Plus, the sex isn't very good. (You nod your head in agreement to this as you read it.) Please don't come back to Stonestore looking for me, and I think it would be best if we never talk again. Also, I needed some cab fare, so I took some money from your wallet. I hope this is ok. Peace out! - Deborah."

You look down at your wallet and notice that what used to be filled with 300 dollars american you had just taken from the ATM is now empty. Your subway card, which had one more stamp to go is also missing! That bitch!

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, the shower wouldn't get hot enough, you went to work, were yelled at by your boss who threatened to fire you, again. You know the boss, the one with the godawful Tom Selleck mustache, bald head and grease stains on his tie. Then you called up your friends and asked them to go out drinking with you that night. Of course you didn't go to Stonestore, that would have been a terrible idea. Jim recommends you try Ulysses, and you all meet up there at 9. You remember having a couple of drinks, and Jim suggested something to you. What was it? It seemed like a great idea for someone with as shitty a life as you have, or I guess had... Why can't you remember what it was? Maybe if you really concentrate on it...

KAW KAW KAW!

You jump up startled, apparently you had dozed off, but now there is a giant black bird that has landed on the cliffside in front of you! Holy Shit! You fall back, almost tipping the rocking chair over and tumbling down the cliff. Almost. You look at the bird in sheer terror. It looms over you, its black feathers glisten in the setting sun, and casts a dark shadow over all of you. (Which is strange, because doesn't the sun usually set in the west?) It's horribly mangled beak, probably used for breaking open shells for more years than you have been alive, is now just inches away from your face. It looks at you with its black eyes, slightly glazed over with slight cataracts, staring, never blinking, for what feels like hours. You really don't want to move, you really don't want to do anything. But for some reason, even with this crazy bird all up in your space, you still would trade this life for your previous one.

Finally, like 3 hours later, you decide you should do something. What should you do?

2/18/09

Choose my own adventure: 4 me

You decide to head east towards the ocean. You walk too far and fall from atop the cliff onto sharp, jagged rocks. You are dead. Your slowly decomposing corpse begins its descent towards the depths of the dark, indifferent sea. Suddenly, what appears to be small lightning bolts illuminate off in the distance. Your body is soon discovered by a gang of mermen riding electric-eel-motorcycles.

"Well, well, well. Look at what the tide dragged in." says the first merman. He grabs your corpse and ties it to the back of his bad-ass electric eel motorcycle that's so majestic that it's quite obvious he is their leader.

They ride their bikes back to Atlantis to look for a secluded place where they can rape your corpse. They find an ally and go to town on your orifices.

"Poseidon!" one gang member yells out in ecstasy, "this butthole is tighter than any of those Chinese finger-traps we found floating around. This is making my anterior fin so damn dry." He rubs some sand on his junk and finishes in a way that makes the ocean substantially more salty.

After each member has their turn, they leave to go eat sushi.

The end.

Choose your own adventure: 3

You decide that approaching the houses to see if there is anyone home who could tell you where you are and how you got to where you are is a terrible idea, and instead head North towards the cliff.
It takes you about an hour to climb the cliff, not only is it tall, but also steep. You slip a couple of times and slide almost to where you started from, but you are nothing if not determined, and you finally make it up to the top of the cliff, overlooking the ocean. From there you can see out to sea. It appears to be a nice, sunny day, and you cannot see anything but ocean for miles.
Also, strangely enough, there seems to be a rocking chair at the top of the cliff.

To the North you can see the cliff continues on for a while, with sharp rocks below it.
To the West is the edge of the forest you had seen before, and beyond it a large mountain. (Just thinking of climbing again makes you tired).
To the South is the village you decided to ignore.
To the East is the ocean, via sharp, jagged rocks.

What would you like to do?

2/17/09

Choose your own adventure: 2

Ignoring the foreboding forest and mountain beyond it, you decide to head East. Afterall, you still feel a bit confused, and climbing a mountain doesn't seem to be the most reasonable idea you could have.
You wander Eastwards, and after a while find the corn field ends and you find yourself looking down on a clearing. You see a very small village in front of you, with 5 houses. Well, houses are probably not the best word for it, as they appear more like shacks, with thatched roofs and mud paths between them. The houses sit in a semi-circle facing away from you and towards an open body of water. It appears to be an ocean, which is funny, as the last place you remember being at was THE CITY, which is land-locked and far from any water.

You pause for a moment, and realize that the sounds you had heard which you first thought were cars is really the waves crashing on the shore. The smoke seems to be coming from the chimney of the largest of the houses, still only the size of your small apartment in THE CITY.

The harbor seems to stretch out for a while, taking a sharp turn to the North, with a tall cliff. Beyond that you cannot see anything.
To the South is a pier with a few small canoes and one decrepit looking sailboat.
To the East is the ocean, you can't really go any farther that way.
To the West is the corn field you came from.

You have a couple of options, you could try approaching the village, perhaps entering a house (vote house 1-5 in that case. House 1 is the one with smoke rising from the chimney) or go somewhere else. Or you can suggest another option.

D&D


Yeah, I am THAT kind of nerd.
Also, I apologize for the lateness of comics recently. I have had sketches for a bunch done, but I slacked off on inking them. I've got a stack inked now, so they should come more often.

Another serving


To stick with the bacon theme we have had going here at Time is a Loop, I present to you: Glow in the Dark Bacon T-Shirts! So you can always think about bacon, even in the middle of the night. For an extra twist, wear this shirt while sleeping, and wake up to freshly cooked bacon.

2/16/09

Time is a Loop, the choose your own text based adventure, part 1

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***88********888*****88*88*88*88***88*****
***88********888*****88**888**88***88*****
***88********888*****88***8****88***888888
***88********888*****88********88***88*****
***88********888*****88********88***88*****
***88********888*****88********88***888888

*8***88888*******88******
*8***8***********8**8*****
*8***88888*****88888****
*8********8*****8****8****
*8***88888*****8****8****

888**********888888*********888888*******888888
888*********8*******8*******8*******8******8*****88
888*********8*******8*******8*******8******8*****88
888*********8*******8*******8*******8******888888
888*********8*******8*******8*******8******8
888*********8*******8*******8*******8******8
8888888*****888888*********888888*******8

----THE TEXT-BASED ADVENTURE----
version 2.1

EPISODE 3
*In which our hero learns of the fate of his loved ones, and determines to right wrongs. And lefts.*



**** *******
****** ****
********* *
You wake up in a field of newly harvested corn stalks. You are terribly confused as to why and how you are where you are. The last thing you remember is celebrating New Year's Eve with your close friends on the top of your apartment building, watching the fireworks explode into shimmering rain above your head. "I must have had too much to drink," you think as you rise to your feet. But where am I? How did I get in a corn field? I live in THE CITY.
You feel about your person, and realize that all your possessions you had on you before are missing. You look around on the ground, but there is nothing there except:
- 1 ball of twine, about 50 feet all rolled up in a ball
- 1 book of matches, only 3 matches are left, and they look a little soggy, having been laying in mud
- 2 cigarettes, which is weird because you don't smoke
- 1 sock. (You are wearing two yourself, so you don't know whose that is. It is blue.)

You decide to look around and survey your surroundings.
To the North you see a forest, and a large mountain in the distance beyond it.
To the West you see the corn field stretches on for miles.
To the South there is a large hill, so you cannot see far, but you hear noises, what you think could be cars driving by.
To the East you see smoke in the distance, and more of the same noise.

Now dear adventurer, what do you do?
(Please leave a comment with your choice. The most votes will determine the choice. You can vote multiple times.)

Etsy listing of the week


Crocheted Penguins! Shop AllAboutKendra features crocheted elephants, octopi, and pigs. But it also features penguins, and if we have learned anything from children's movies over the last few summers, penguins are the cutest.

Time is a Preview


Coming this Future! Time is a Loop productions brings you
a Time is a Loop preview
of the Time is a Loop the Show!
I can't wait for The Future!
Luckily, time is a loop, so it has all been made already.
Whew. I was worried I would be having to do a lot of work.

2/15/09

Orphaned by the world, raised by the streets, Jesse Sanchez is a dangerous martial artistand the world's greatest homeless skateboarder



Street Angel is a comic about... well my words will not do it justice. Let me quote the author, Jim Rugg: "In the worst ghetto on earth, a young, homeless orphan rules the streets with her fearsome kung fu and deadly skateboarding. Jesse "Street Angel" Sanchez fights ninja gangs, evil geologists, nepotism, ancient gods, homework, and hunger while perpetually seeking the Holy Grail of cardboard boxes." How can you beat that? Apparently by making a trailer!

2/10/09

forget lolcats.

ok, i could never forget about lolcats. but i want a fox. NOW.

http://www.flurl.com/video/32849236_foxes_jumpin

Paul Rudd: Action Hero(?)

This post might just feature too much geekyness.


Apparently there is an entire site devoted to "things people have made that are devoted to Joss Whedon shows." There are some cool stuffs there, like paintings of Spike's head, or Captain Hammer MyLittlePonies, but a cross-stitch of one of the best songs from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along-Blog has to be one of the coolest things there.
Also, don't forget, Dollhouse, his new show, premiers friday.

She's running out the door



I remember where I was when I heard that Amanda Palmer died. It wasn't in the audience watching her play this, but I wish it twere. Amanda Palmer's Cabaresque (yes that is now a word) performances are great and all, but I'm not sure there is anyone else out there who can cover "Creep" by Radiohead on only an ukelele and make it amazing.

2/9/09

i know i want to cuddle with this.















LoudDreams blog showcases 2 dozen examples of ridiculous (-ly amazing) pillows.

Everything is God. question mark.



















Some of you may have heard about the atheist bus advertisements that have created some controversy in the UK recently. I personally have enjoyed them, but webcomic-er of WTTF (what the the fuck) has provided some amusing alternatives for those of us who are neither Christian-God-fearing nor no-God-believing. My favorite? The physicist bus advertisement.

get ready to pee yourself.















this is one of the greatest images i have ever seen.
(found with stumble)

WTF. continued.















i know, but i'm not telling.
(found through Stumble. if you dont know about stumble, beware, for it will take over your life.)

I'm on a boat, motherf_cker



For centuries great poets have attempted to record the thrill of sailing through ocean waters. But finally, T-Pain, Andy, and Akiva have succeeded in verbalizing the awe of the open seas for boat enthusiasts everywhere. Find more SNL here.

2/8/09

Headbang Hero



Awesome? Or WICKED AWESOME!!

My mother would hate approximately 57 moments of this post

We have all heard Christian Bales' little "freakout," if you will:



But have you heard THE TECHNO VERSION??? Eh?
(Remix brought to you by DJ RevoLucian)
(Attn: Apparently DJ RevoLucian's "thing" is mixing awful moments of popular culture into music, which I applaud him greatly for. Greatly).

2/7/09

Ancient Spirits of Evil, transform this decayed corpse into MMMMUUUMMRRAAA the EVERLIVING!! Cough cough hack hack



This is for Jaki and her need for bad colouring over old movies, and also her love of furries. (It is also for my love of Thundercats, but not furries 'cause that frightens me to no end).

Kupunophobia



I saw Coraline last night, it was a beautiful and extremely creepy (which is something I can say about every single thing Gaiman has ever made). I never knew, but I guess I am a kupumophobe. (I really have no idea how to spell that, I don't think it is a real thing).

2/6/09

I am ashamed of this post



Does anyone remember this show? I have apparently been spending the past 20 years forgetting it, only to now be reminded of it. Sigh. Maybe when I am 40 I will have forgotten it again. I guess I should make you suffer as I have suffered.

2/5/09

Ma Petite Loli


Nous Non Plus - Loli from Greg Harrison on Vimeo.

I collect videos that are either pretty or ridiculous. This falls in the latter. The music isn't that exciting, but the video! I was sold at around 2 minutes in, with the floss. The band is Nous non plus.

Wake N Bake

An alarm clock that wakes you up to the smell of bacon? Personally, that grosses me out, but I know some people (Tom, I'm speaking to you) would kill for this. Now you don't have to.

2/4/09

Physics made phun


Crayon Physics Deluxe from Petri Purho on Vimeo.

Crayon Physics looks to be an awesome game. As many (including I) have learned, playing with physics if fun. (See LittleBigPlanet or Portal for examples). You can download the demo here.

2/3/09

Man I wish I chose skateboard proficiency back in middle school


Scott Pilgrim Vol 5 comes out in stores tomorrow, I am assuming everyone is buying this already because it is the best thing ever made. Period. The story of a 24 year old slacker who has to fight his new girlfriend's 7 evil exes. It perfectly mixes serious life stories with over-the-top, video-game referencing Street Fighter fight scenes. Basically it is the combination of everything I think is amazing. It is also being made into a movie, directed by Edgar Wright and starring Michael Cera. I'm sure I will continually post info on that as it gets closer.

Can we make a TV show called "That Darn Hipster?"

Married to the Sea is made by Drew and Natalie Dee, of Toothpaste for Dinner and... Natalie Dee fame. Of my knowledge of web comics featuring old images, computer clip art and humorous, sometimes nonsensical statements pasted on, I believe Married to the Sea holds the top spot. (It may also hold the only spot...)

Help I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer



I know there are no images, but I'm not sure how to post just music on here yet, so we are gonna go with a youtube video version of the new Metric song from their forthcoming album due April 14th, 2009. Excitement! Check their website to download the song! Also, watch this video to hear Emily Haines talk about her "creative process."

2/2/09

The Institute of Human Continuity


Current theory is this website is about the movie 2012 coming out sometime next year. It may be all of Mark Millar's Fantastic Four that I have been reading, (involving an end of the world scenario and a creation of a duplicate world for rich people to escape to (which in itself is like the Earth computer that was remade by mice in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but I digress)) but I really hope this is a serious thing. A guy can dream, right?

I'm tongue-tied around you, Valentine


Even during a zombie apocalypse you should celebrate Valentine's Day. Check out Alexandria Neonakis' page if zombies aren't your thing. (Perhaps the Office Valentines would be in better taste?)

Etsy listing of the week

I ran into Justin Madson at Heroes Con over the summer, and his art really caught my eye. I have this print on my wall at home. He has a couple of books, and a lot of cool prints. He also has a weird fascination with gas masks, wings and steampunk, with is perfectly fine with me.

I enjoy long, slow, lumbering walks on the beach


Single? Lonely? Hungry? For Brains? At the end of the date, would you rather eat your date than sleep with them? Have I got the site for you.

Yeaaah yeeeaaah, WOW!

Sam Raimi should have made this instead of Spiderman 3. It would have been better than that dance scene.