Choose your own adventure: 5

You consider your options towards the giant black bird looming over you on the cliff-side. You consider punching the bird, or yanking out its eyeball, but apparently the bird has rolled a D-20 in intimidate and instead you almost wet yourself.
Instead you decide to politely ask the bird if you can help it.
It responds in a very dignified British accent: "You, my dear sir, are in my chair."

The bird steps back and allows you to stand up and remove yourself from its rocking chair. As you quickly move out of the way, you notice that the bird was not as scary as you originally thought. It seems to be quite refined and old. It also seems to be wearing a black vest, which you did not notice at first, what with it being right in your face before.

"Sorry if I gave you a scare just then, old chap. I flew down to watch the setting sun and saw something in my chair. I did not mean to startle you, but my eyesight is not what it once was," he states as he removes a monocle from his pocket of his vest and places it over his left eye.
"Now then, what have we here?" He states as he looks closely up and down you.
"A human? Really? I haven't seen one of those in... 246 years I believe."

You think to ask the bird what he means, as you know a lot of humans, in fact some of your best friends are human, but you are still in such a shock that a giant bird just spoke to you and is wearing a very nice vest, that you only manage to mumble out: "uuuh"

"Now Mr. Human, if you would kindly, what is your name?" the bird asks.
You stare at it for a few minutes.
"Out with it now."

"Mmmy... My name... sir... is Mike. Mike Jones." You manage to string together.

"Mike Mike Jones. Not a very refined name, but I guess you aren't a very cultured fellow, are you Mike Mike Jones?" the bird states, as it sits down in its rocking chair. "MY name, if you would care so much to know, is Jean Henry Waddsfellow the third. My father was Jean Henry Waddsfellow the second, a scholar of great note, and his father was Jean Henry Waddsfellow the first, the dean of the Waddsfellow's school for gifted Fledglings. HIS father was THE Sir Charles Luke Waddenfallen, of Austria, a poor farmer who left his country for adventure and fame. He is best known for slaying the famed hairless woolly mamouth of the Savannah and taming the spotted weregoose of Slaughter Swamp, among other things. The weregoose adventure was a particularly great story. It started off when my dear great-grandfather was traveling through the duchey of Doiron, long long winters past..."

The bird continues on for some time, telling of strange adventures involving animals you are sure do not exist, just as you are sure that a giant talking bird wearing a vest could not exist. Despite your nervous apprehention of the bird, you start to fall alseep to his monotone stories. Afterall, you did just climb a very steep and tall cliff.

Around 3 hours later you wake to the bird poking you with its feathers. "Sir, I understand that some people have claimed in the past to have a disease called narcolepsy, but please! I was just getting to the best part, when my great-grandfather, Sir Charles, was about to slay the one eyed Hydra-wolf, when instead he decided to tame it and give it as a pet to the nephew of his one true love, the beautiful late Maribelle of Avendale. Anyways, it is no loss of mine if a man of your culture cannot appriciate such a story. There are many others who would sell their fortunes to hear such a story. I guess I shall be off to meet with them instead. Farewell, sir. I hope in the future you will not be sitting in my rocking chair, dirtying it with your mud-covered hands and clothes. I wish you well on your future endevors, however. Never let it be said that Jean Henry Waddsfellow was one to hold a grudge."

You decide that this is your moment, as the bird seems to be about to fly off. You ask it, as politely as you can where you are and how you got there, and how you could get back home again.

"You are from THE CITY and somehow woke up in the middle of a corn field on this island you say? That is mighty unusual, and I guess that I will allow your confusion to be the reason you are acting so... base. I do not know if I have the knowledge to help you on your adventure, however, I would recommend that you travel to the great library of Hodge in the town of Ellestria. It is about a day's travel North of here, just on the other side of that mountain you see in the distance.
Or you could try asking the sea-witch. She lives out in the ocean to the East. She seems to know more than most, although she speaks with horribly vulgar language, and is quite undignified. The best way to get in touch with her is to row out to sea, throw some kelp in a circle around the boat and chant: "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh C'thulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."
Another option, although this is one I would not recommend to my mother, Allah rest her soul, is to travel West of here. By the edge of the forest you should find an old, decripit well. If you climb down the well, you will find some... er... people, who have lived below ground since time began. They know all about the world and how to get from one place to another, but I really can't say I trust their kind. Although it may be because I am of the air, and they are of the earth. Opposites tend to cause conflict. Although that does remind me of one story, where my great-grandfather fell in love with the princess of the mole men, well I guess in today's society we should call them "mole people..."
He continues on for some time about some princess needing to be rescued from the dark underworld, and how his great-grandfather would travel from dungeon to dungeon, only to find that the princess was not there, but in another castle somewhere else far away, or something. You honestly stopped listening a while ago. But you do decide you need to go somewhere. Where do you go? To the library in Ellestria, to meet the sea-witch or down into the earth via the well west of here?


  1. I wanna rock this sea witches world. Let's get her.

  2. Arr, ride the high seas and take on this witch!

    Follow her to da ends of de ert.

  3. The witch is a trap. I saw a Dr. Who episode last week where he went to a library and crazy, weird shit went down. That Sea Witch will probably just be a bad red herring joke.